SakuraKiel

So lol I know I said I was going to be more active and stuff but certain things happened like around March, I believe it was the beginning of the month but more on that later.

As some older followers may know I went through a few things, honestly I felt I was a my lowest back then but now I seriously laugh at all that (this is coming from a decent mental health point of view right now)

At 23 I moved out of my mom's house, I couldn't really handle mine and her situation, whoever is Hispanic in specific will know that our parents don't really understand we as children have boundaries, limits and sometimes even emotions. I love my mom, now we both have a pretty good relationship but it took me leaving her for her to understand I was an adult and she couldn't really treat me as her little minion (yes that bad)

Fast forwarding to me moving out. I moved with a roommate who was my friend (was, I don't know where we stand no more) I personally went to her house and picked her up when her parents were being quite literally dick heads... Anyways, honestly all I wanted is to help her but along the way I let go of myself and fell into a much darker and deeper hole I've ever been.

We moved out together, our own apartment with our own rooms and bathrooms because we knew ''better'' than to share any of those things, rent wasn't that bad, both of use stayed in that place for 3 whole years...

In those 3 years a lot happened... she had a lot of mental break downs, a lot of complains, a lot of her crossing my lines however I kept telling myself "I know I'm not a saint and she is going through things, she is lashing out... I have been there in a way... just help her''

First it started with the A/C problem, I stupidly get random heat rashes, so I like keeping my place at 65 and under, honestly 60 is perfect but 65 does. Before we moved in our ground rules were ''set''. She smoked, like a chimney if I'm honest but tried her best to stop, obviously that had a backlash because tobacco is like a drug. We agreed on, she wouldn't smoke in the house and I would keep the temp the lowest 67, I agreed. I don't even know who broke the rule first, according to her it was me and I believe it but a part of me tells me that wasn't true but whatever.

Another line she crossed without even consulting me was the fact she gave her mom a key to our apartment... Not a single word until it was already done, I know I could have stand my ground and say something but by now... I was kind of scared of speaking my mind because anything could turn into a fight.

I ''crossed'' one of her lines. If I'm honest I'm not the cleanest person in the world, I barely know how to do basic cleaning I never really knew how to "deep clean" and things like that, she was a clean freak (not my words) so when I would make a mess and it wouldn't be clean to her standards that would cause a whole fight, big enough to the point she completely stop cleaning, even cleaning after herself and her siblings and family when they would come over which was quite often, I didn't mind cleaning, she had done it for me before but things were starting to build up.

As a young adult, we liked drinking, I wanted to keep alcohol in the house because I was a casual drinker, it was fun inviting other friends over and just basically vibe!... I wish it would have been the same case for her... She started drinking and drinking and drinking to the point one 750ml Jim Beam bottle would be gone in less than a day which is something that happened one day, I remember it very well... I was asleep, she came and whispered my name and asked if I was awake, I have a very light sleep so I woke up, I said I was and asked her what was wrong, she told me it was nothing and I could go back to sleep, then she left closing the door... That left me with a bad feeling so I went to check up on her and when I got up I saw some blood on the floor heading to her room, on her door there was a lot of blood... when I went in the bottle of alcohol was smashed on the floor with glass everywhere, floor was dry so I realized she had drank it all... I found her on her bed crying, I proceeded to check if she had tried to harm herself but luckily she had just stepped on the glass and accidentally also cut her hand, we talked as I was cleaning her wounds and at some point she fell asleep, I cleaned her room, made sure everything was picked up and let her sleep... She was going through a lot, I was her friend, all I wanted was to help her... When I was cleaning I found notes, notes that were meant for her family and some old friends of her... I didn't know what to do, sending her into an institution would not have done anything if she didn't want the help and I knew she didn't want the help because we had previously talk about it... I just stayed there... hoping for a miracle, hoping for my friend to get better... For right now this is all I am going to write down, this was just the first year, I still have pictures, videos, memories... I'm hurt right now for things that have transpire since I moved out, which I did move out so I am living alone right now but it wasn't such a pleasant transition but once again more on that later. For those worry about me... maybe going through some stuff earlier on helped me with this, I am holding better than I thought and while I still have my dark moments I am not so lost no more.

so Im finally ''back''

first of all, Im so sorry to those who commissioned me and still have not gotten anything from me, I understand how infuriating you must feel, I am not gonna lie there is no excuse to explain the amount of time I have taken, I can go into details on a few things I am not afraid to be open about my personal life but just like there have been down times there have been good times, unfortunately for me on those time I still couldnt find and inspiration, once again it is not excuse but it is a very small explanation.

I have tried my best to get commissions done in between times, I have delivered at least a good 80% to 90% of all the commissions have have been paid off, if you still dont have your commission please send me a note with what you wanted me to draw because I can no longer check my old notes and the notebook I had everything written down have been lost, on top of that being said I know I am in the process of finishing one more commission right now and I had to restart on two pictures from the same commissioner, if they do not contact me I will for sure contact them with their image done I at least had thair information saved on my stash.

I know I have agreed to make a few other commissions for previous costumers and if I ever fully open my commissions again I will for sure change my terms and conditions to be more strict on myself and avoid unnecessarily long waits for my costumers without any preview of what they will receive.

further more I will slowly start uploading old commissions and small tutorials I have saved for myself and just share them to everyone, along with small little things that help me get some inspiration and motivation.